this is my unlimted story i will edit this post evey day well i hope you engoy the story
friend newest trying maybe
There was a place called Adam city. It was place full of lots of lots of crime it was the place that had also a lot of criminals. My name is sheriff Jones i was the only sheriff in this town and i had a deputy could offset Mills he was also my friend we are detectives and police officers most of the time we were solving crimes but one day we were walking to the mall to get some stuff from countdown and then we saw a robber trying to rob the store as soon as we told him to put his hands up he vanished into thin air it was like he was never there he was as tall as me but as sneaky as a mouse. I feel like i have seen him before or maybe i'm just imagining things but when i got home i remembered who it was he was someone that i met when i was an amateur policeman he was my friend and college one day i was going going over to his house one night i was looking for him i said i would met him but i came a little bit earlier and then i saw a guy with a masc on i hide is the bushes he unlocked the door and walks in i followed i went in the colossus thing nere by and then when he took off his mask and it was my friend i was as silent as i could be then i got away. The i went to go to his house there was no one there and i never saw him again until this very day until this day. o the next day i went out tying to find him i still do not know were he is maybe he is at the old house he newest to live at. someone was actually living there i knocked on the door and i had a picture of the my old friend he side to be continued
Hi Issa, You have done lots of writing on your unlimited story and included some good language like....as sneaky as a mouse. It is good that you are going to do some editing, here are a couple of things you might like to look at: Read through and think about where each sentence would start and end, change i to I and check the spelling of mask...you have it right at the end but on the line above it is spelt differently...can you see it? I look forward to reading it again. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI agree with Deb! Great draft.
ReplyDeleteI particularly like the way you introduced the protagonists. You set the reader up for the kind of story to expect.
Kia Ora Issa
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading what happens next!